July 2009
Introduction
Dating violence is a pattern of behavior that is used to control a boyfriend or girlfriend. It can affect anyone, anywhere, at any age, of any race, class, or gender. From Is This Abuse?, Love Is Respect National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline. Dating abuse is particularly prevalent among teens. In the U.S.A., one in three teens will encounter dating violence and only one-third of them will report it. From About Us, Break the Cycle. Young women aged 16-24 are at the highest risk of intimate partner violence. Females in this group experience intimate partner violence at a rate almost three times the U.S. national average. From Teen Dating Violence Facts, National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Initiative. Dating violence can occur during a relationship and after it has ended. The period following a break up is often the most dangerous time for a victim. From Know Your Rights, The Safe Space. Dating abuse has long term effects on a teen's physical and mental health.
There are significant barriers that teens in abusive relationships face, especially if they are minors. Teens do not have the resources to leave abusive relationships which are available to adults, such as money, shelter and transportation. Also, in the United States, many states don’t include dating violence in their definition of domestic abuse, and in many states, minors cannot file for protective or restraining orders without a parent or adult. Thus, minor teens are not given the legal protections that adults experiencing domestic violence have. From State-By-State Teen Dating Violence Report Card 2009, Break the Cycle.
Types of Dating Violence
Abuse is often hard for teens to recognize in a relationship because they do not have as much dating and relationship experience as adults. Therefore, many teens who experience abuse believe it is a normal part of a relationship. There are many different forms of abuse, which make it even harder for teens to identify. The three main types of dating abuse are physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional/verbal/psychological abuse. Economic abuse and digital abuse are other common forms of dating abuse.
Physical abuse occurs when there is intentional unwanted contact with the victim by the abuser or an object the abuser is controlling. Physical abuse does not have to leave a mark or even cause pain. Examples of physical abuse include: punching, kicking, scratching, biting, throwing objects at the victim, pulling hair, choking, pushing and slapping. Sexual abuse is unwanted sexual behavior that doesn’t allow the victim to say no, such as: rape, unwanted kissing, touching, or violent sexual activity, and not allowing the victim to use birth control or protection against sexually transmitted infections. From Types of Abuse, Break the Cycle.
Verbal, emotional and psychological abuse are often grouped together and occur when the abuser makes comments to cause the victim to be afraid, lower the victim’s self-esteem, or control their emotions or behaviors. Verbal or emotional abuse can be: name-calling, screaming, controlling the victim, stalking, making the victim think they are causing the violence, threatening to harm the victim, expose their secrets or to commit suicide in order to manipulate the victim. From Types of Abuse, Break the Cycle. Economic abuse occurs when the abuser uses money as a way to control the victim. Economic abuse includes: using the victim’s credit card, stealing money, controlling money, not paying bills, ruining the victim’s credit, or making someone feel guilty about their financial situation. From Dating Violence, Brown University Health Education.
Another type of abuse is digital dating abuse. Digital abuse is becoming an increasingly common form of abuse and significantly affects teens because of their constant use of technology. Teens are often texting, talking on cell phones, instant messaging, emailing and blogging. As the use of technology increases so does the opportunity for abuse, including unwanted calls or texts, constant calling or texting, hacking into email or social networking accounts, or pressure to send private photos or videos. The Technology and Teen Dating Abuse Survey in 2007 found that one in three teens report receiving 10, 20, or 30 text messages an hour by a partner asking where they were, who they were with, or what they were doing. One in four teens in a relationship have been harassed, put down or called names by their partner through cell phones and texting. “Our research confirms that teens often don’t know how to connect the dots and recognize when controlling behavior becomes abuse,” said Esta Soler, president of the Family Violence Prevention Fund. From That’s Not Cool, Family Violence Prevention Fund. Physical abuse is usually the easiest form for teens to recognize, while others, especially digital abuse, can be much more difficult to identify.
Risk Factors for Abusers
Dating abuse is reported by teens more than any other age group. Studies reveal that abusers have higher rates of depression, lower self-esteem, and are generally more aggressive. Risk factors include: alcohol or drug use, poor social skills, problems at school, lack of parental supervision, seeing abuse at home and using threats to solve problems. From Understanding Teen Dating Abuse Fact Sheet, Center for Disease Control and Prevention.
Warning Signs
There are warning signs that can help teens to recognize an abusive relationship before a serious physical attack occurs. Some of these warning signs include: extreme jealousy, possessiveness or controlling behavior, financial control, isolating a person from family and friends, constant name calling and insults. A history of abusive behavior, mood swings, and explosive anger are red flags. From Am I in an Abusive Relationship?, The Safe Space. There are also warning signs to watch for in victims that can alert family and friends that they may be in an abusive relationship, such as: physical injuries, poor grades, dropping out of school, changes in mood/personality, indecision, drug/alcohol use, and isolation. From Dating Violence, The Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
Gender
Teenage boys and girls can be both victims and perpetrators of dating violence. Boys and girls, however, behave differently when it comes to dating violence and are abusive in different ways. Girls often use less severe forms of violence, such as yelling, pinching, slapping, or kicking, while boys cause more serious and frequent injuries to girls. From Teen Dating Violence Facts, National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Initiative. Girls are at higher risk of having serious physical injuries and being sexually abused. Girls also suffer more psychological abuse and sexual aggression. Less severe acts such as pushing, grabbing and shoving were found to be common among both boys and girls in high school. Both boys and girls report experiencing minor assaults, but boys were found to abuse repeatedly and use more force. Girls were more likely to have physical injuries that needed medical attention. A study found that teen boys most commonly cited anger as the reason for committing violence, and the second most common reason was a desire to gain control of their partner. Teen girls also cited anger as the most common reason for violence, and self-defense was the second most common reason for girls to be violent. The third most common reason named by both sexes was jealousy. From Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Strategies for Health Care Providers to Address Adolescent Dating Violence, Journal of the American Medical Women’s Association.
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer (LGBTQ) Dating Violence
Dating violence affects about 20%-50% of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) couples, which is approximately the same rate as dating violence in heterosexual couples. From Domestic Violence and LGBTQ Youth, Break the Cycle. In most places domestic abuse in LGBTQ couples is underreported, and LGBTQ teens face even more obstacles when it comes to getting help. Concern over revealing their sexual identity to family and friends, especially for teens, can outweigh the desire to get help. Abusers use this fear as a form of control, threatening to “out” the victim to their family and friends. Victims are also afraid that the police and counseling services may be homophobic or not take them seriously. There are many myths about sexual orientation that make it hard for LGBTQ victims to recognize abuse. One of the most common myths is that same-sex couples cannot be abusive because they are more “equal” than heterosexual couples. People often think that a fight between two men is fair, and that women don’t hurt each other. LGBTQ abuse victims might not know about or understand that they have choices for protection, such as restraining orders. From Domestic Violence and LGBTQ Youth , Break the Cycle.
Effects
The damaging effects of dating abuse can impact teens for the rest of their lives. Teens who are abused are more likely to struggle in school, engage in unhealthy behaviors such as using drugs and alcohol, develop eating disorders and depression, and think about or attempt suicide. Teen victims of dating violence have a higher chance of bringing a weapon to school and are three times as likely to get into a fight. From State-By-State Teen Dating Violence Report Card 2009, Break the Cycle. Physically abused teens are also three times more likely than non-abused teens to experience violence during college and be involved in intimate partner violence as adults. From Understanding Teen Dating Abuse Fact Sheet, Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Teens who experience physical and sexual dating violence are three times more likely than those who are not abused to be diagnosed with HIV/AIDS or another sexually transmitted disease (STD). Their likelihood of contracting HIV or another STD increases because teens in violent relationships are less likely to suggest using a condom, seek HIV/AIDS information, get tested, disclose HIV status, or get help because they are afraid. From Dating Violence and HIV/AIDS Among LGBTQ Youth, Break the Cycle.
Laws
Most CEE/FSU countries do not include dating violence in their definition of domestic violence laws. In the Moldovan Law on Preventing and Combating Violence in the Family, violence in the family is defined as a family member abusing another family member: “The subjects of actions of violence in the family are considered to be married persons, their ascending and descending relatives, their spouses, as well as persons who live together with family members and are dependent upon the latter.” Thus, the law is does not include dating relationships. From Moldovan Draft Law on Preventing and Combating Violence in the Family.
The Law on Protection Against Domestic Violence (2005) in Bulgaria states the rights of victims of domestic violence to seek protection from the courts. The law defines domestic violence as “…any act of physical, mental or sexual violence, and any attempted such violence, as well as the forcible restriction of individual freedom and of privacy, carried out against individuals who have or have had family or kinship ties or cohabit or dwell in the same home.” Those who have been abused by one of the following qualify for protection under this act: a spouse or former spouse, a person with whom the individual cohabits or cohabited, a person with whom that individual has a child, an ascendant, a descendent, a sibling, a relative by affinity up to the second degree, or a guardian or foster parent. A dating relationship does not qualify a person for protection. From Bulgarian Law on Protection against Domestic Violence.
In the Law of Georgia on Elimination of Domestic Violence, Protection of and Support to Its Victims, a victim is defined as a family member experiencing some form of abuse by another family member, who is the abuser. Family members include the following: “mother, father, grandfather, grandmother, spouse, child (stepchild), adopted child, foster parents, grandchild, siblings, parents of spouse, children-in-law. For the purpose of this law family member also includes, former spouse, persons in non-registered cohabitation, guardians, as well as persons who live or lived together.” This list does not include dating relationships. From Law of Georgia on Elimination of Domestic Violence, Protection and Support to Its Victims.
USA: Break the Cycle published the State-By-State Teen Dating Violence Report Card 2009, in which they used a scoring system to grade each U.S. state on the way its civil domestic violence protection order laws address the needs of teen victims of domestic violence. Five states received a grade of A and eleven states received F grades. Requirements for obtaining a civil domestic violence protection order differ from state to state. California and Illinois allow teen victims of domestic and dating violence easy access to protection orders, therefore earning A grades. Their definitions of types of abuse are broader than those of states earning lower grades. For example, Illinois includes harassment, physical abuse, threatening or attempting to physically hurt the victim, creating a disturbance at school or work, repeatedly calling the victim, and stalking the victim. South Carolina, which received an F, defined abuse as physically abusing the victim, threatening or attempting to physically abuse the victim, or sexually abusing the victim. In South Carolina, in order to qualify for a protection order the abuser must be someone the victim lives with or used to live with, is married or used to be married to, or has a child with. This would exclude most teens in a dating relationship. The states that received A grades, such as Illinois and California include someone a person was dating or used to date, or in the person's immediate family or in the extended family (to the second degree).
The report gives examples of some of the best, and some of the worst, ways for governments to protect teen victims of dating violence. Some of the best provisions in states' laws protecting teens from dating violence include: allowing the minor to file for a protection or restraining order without an adult; including dating violence in the definition of domestic violence; the length of the restraining order lasting at least one year; the statute includes other offenses (such as harassing phone calls and stalking) in its definition of abuse, making it easier for the victim to get a restraining order; and the statute gives the victim different types of compensation (such as medical expenses, injuries, moving expenses). From State-By-State Teen Dating Violence Report Card 2009, Break the Cycle.
Compiled From:
1. Understanding Teen Dating Abuse Fact Sheet 2006, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, available at www.cdc.gov/ncipc/pub-res/datingabusefactsheet.pdf (last visited 8 July, 2009).
2. About Us, Break the Cycle, available at http://www.breakthecycle.org/about-us.html (last visited 9 July, 2009).
3. Is This Abuse?, Love is Respect National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, available at http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/ (last visited 10 July 10, 2009).
4. Teen Dating Violence Facts, National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Initiative, available at http://www.abanet.org/unmet/teendating/facts.pdf (last visited 10 July 2009).
5. State-by-State Teen Dating Violence Report Card 2009, Break the Cycle, available at http://www.breakthecycle.org/resources-state-law-report-cards-2009.html (last visited 10 July 2009).
6. Types of Abuse, Break the Cycle, available at http://www.thesafespace.org/pdf/handout-types-of-abuse.pdf (last visited 10 July 2009).
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10. Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Strategies for Health Care Providers to Address Adolescent Dating Violence, Journal of the American Medical Women’s Association, available at http://www.amwa-doc.org/index.cfm?objectid=2909457F-D567-0B25-56A78E9020AC7227 (last visited 26 December 2009).
11. Domestic Violence and LGBTQ Youth, Break the Cycle, available at http://www.thesafespace.org/pdf/handout-dv-&-lgbt-youth.pdf (last visited 10 July 2009).
12. Dating Violence and HIV/AIDS Among LGBTQ Youth, Break the Cycle, available at http://www.thesafespace.org/pdf/handout-hiv-and-lgbtq-youth.pdf (last visited 10 July 2009).
13. Moldovan Draft Law on Preventing and Combating Violence in the Family, www.stopvaw.org, available at http://www.stopvaw.org/sites/3f6d15f4-c12d-4515-8544-26b7a3a5a41e/uploads/Moldova_DV_Law.doc (last visited 10 July 2009).
14. Bulgarian Law on Protection against Domestic Violence, www.stopvaw.org, available at http://www.stopvaw.org/sites/3f6d15f4-c12d-4515-8544-26b7a3a5a41e/uploads/Domestic_Violence_Law.doc (last visited 10 July 2009).
15. Law of Georgia on Elimination of Domestic Violence, Protection and Support to Its Victims, www.stopvaw.org, available at http://www.stopvaw.org/sites/3f6d15f4-c12d-4515-8544-26b7a3a5a41e/uploads/Georgia_DV_Law.doc (last visited 10 July 2009).
16. Domestic Violence, The Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence, available at http://www.acadv.org/dating.html (last visited 10 July 2009).