Claims that men are battered as often as women do not take into account the fact that in a high percentage of cases, women's use of violence is preceded by severe acts of violence by their partners. Women typically use violence in self-defense or in order to escape. A woman may use force as a response to the batterer's attack, to stop him from assaulting her. She may use preemptive force—if she believes that an assault may be imminent, she may initiate the violence in an attempt to gain control over the place and time of the assault, either to increase her safety or to minimize the embarrassment and disruption the assault will cause. Women may also retaliate for a history of abuse. In addition, women generally do not use violence "instrumentally" to obtain a desired result. From Stephanie Avalon, Advocacy and the Battered Women's Movement (October 1999). Thus, while men use violence to establish widespread authority over longer periods, women use violence to control an immediate conflict situation. From Erin H. House, When Women Use Force: An Advocacy Guide to Understanding This Issue and Conducting an Assessment with Individuals Who Have Used Force to Determine Their Eligibility for Services from a Domestic Violence Agency.

The use of violence has different consequences for men and women. Women more often recognize violence as contrary to their socially-prescribed gender roles and more readily admit to using violence. Men typically minimize or deny the violence, reflecting a greater feeling of entitlement to use violence. Reports of violence against men are also often exaggerated; men accused of domestic violence often minimize and deny their partners' claims by arguing that the abuse was mutual or that they were the victims. From Shamita Das Dasgupta, Towards an Understanding of Women's Use of Non-Lethal Violence in Intimate Heterosexual Relationships (2001).

Finally, women's and men's uses of force often have different physical manifestations. A batterer's use of force is often controlled; the batterer may consciously choose to inflict injuries in places where they are difficult to see, such as the back of the head, or in an area the woman may feel uncomfortable showing to police. When women use force, however, the physical injuries that result are often quite visible because they are generally inflicted in self-defense. It is important for advocates and police to understand the difference between the more hidden "offensive" injuries, such as bruises or strangling, and the more visible "defensive" injuries, such as scratching or biting. From Erin H. House, When Women Use Force: An Advocacy Guide to Understanding This Issue and Conducting an Assessment with Individuals Who Have Used Force to Determine Their Eligibility for Services from a Domestic Violence Agency.